BREAKAWAY FROM THE UGLY PAST

One of the main sources of anger in relationship often times is the inability of one partner to let go of the past hurts and disappointments, and focus on the present task at hands. A number of people carry on with life with loads of baggage from their past relationship or personal experience which often serves as barrier that could hinder their life’s progression.

A victim of rape, for instance who continue to see her husband or every other man in the same light with the rapist will surely not be able to adjust quickly to the need to satisfy her husband conjugal need and enjoy the full benefits of marriage. Her attitude if not properly control could cost her the joy of the marriage and even lead to its early collapse. Trusting another man enough to commit her life to him would definitely be a difficult task because of the constant intrusion of the bad memory of her unfortunate encounter in the past.

I once listened to a radio programme where a lady who was a victim of sexual abuse was seeking advice on air on how to overcome her phobia for men. According to her story, she has been married for three years, yet each time her husband wants sex, the memory of the past abuse she had suffered in the hands of some men keep intruding and all she feels and sees is her abuser rather than her husband making love to her. “I couldn’t help but cry each time my husband tries to make love to me because my past always rush back and make me feel the same way I used to feel when I was being abused,” the lady told the producer of the radio programme. “My husband never likes this and the situation is getting critical for me because I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth about my past and yet we have never enjoyed sex together as couple because of the way I feel and react to him each time he makes a move.”

This lady’s past has remained the greatest threat to her present and even the future because she has not been able to deal with it and put her experience behind her. Unfortunately, according to her story, the marriage has not been able to produce a child, partly because of her attitude to sex and other undisclosed factor. She said a series of test have been carried out on her and the husband, but nothing was found to be wrong with them medically.

The first major step such person should have taken before entering into any relationship or marriage is to purge herself of any bitterness and let go of the hatred toward her violator. Though, forgiveness can be very difficult, but that is the surest way to go in achieving healing from the past hurts and moving forward toward the next stage of life, otherwise one’s life purpose could be abridged with such deep seated bitterness that is asking for revenge all the time.

Same goes for someone who still holds on to past guilt, offence or mistakes. For us to develop a winning attitude, we need to break away from the past, focus on the future and learn to forgive ourselves where necessary and make amend otherwise, the past could constitute major blockage to our present and the future.